There’s a lap under there, somewhere.
My stupid reflex reacto-feeling, when they start building a mom grotto on me, is to be annoyed, then claustrophobic. What if I want to stand up? So inconsiderate. Gawd.

When I’m lucky, my upstairs brain usually steps in and points out that they’re trusting me with their treasures.
Anointing me with their lovin’ plush.
Sharing their wealth without pausing to consider whether I deserve the honor.

That’s MY job. #disneyfamilyreunion #crayons #saturdayselfsermon #letthembelittle #limitedtimeoffer #xpost via Instagram


My garage shelves are 99% done! It has taken weeks (months?) of doing a few minutes at a time, but it is nearly done.
For about $150 in materials, 192 screws, 2 falls off the stepladder, and 1 bigass splinter, I’m getting 144 sqft of mighty functional storage space. Thanks for the inspo, @anawhitediy! #SuckItIKEA #screwedgluedandtattooed #homowner #shelfie #powertools #xpost

And yes, @carpenterkobydowns, I have whole new levels of appreciation for the hard work you do! 😵 via Instagram


I looked more like Amy, but I was #JoMarch to the bone. Okay, like 5% Amy d/t spiteful tendencies when pushed😣 Maybe 9 years old here? I got my ears pierced at 7 or 8 and boobs by 10, so probably 9ish.

My favorite memory of the event was not any of the dozens of pics the nice photog lady took.

It was when I got bored waiting for my sister and mom to finish all their solo shots, and my mom gave me $5 and told me to “here, go buy a Mad magazine or something” at the Eckerd next door. I thought Mad was rude, risqué, only for grownups! *gasp*! (I was quite a pearl-clutcher for a long time.) I ran next door, grabbed a copy before mom thought to retract the suggestion, and immediately became an ardent Mad fan for the next decade or so. To this day, for every blockbuster movie or TV somebody makes me watch, I come up with punny/silly alternanyms for the characters, Mad-style.

Unlike having my picture taken, Mad made me smile.😂 #tbt #longhair #xpost #memorylane #late80s #TheChildQueenAscendsTheThrone via Instagram


When strangers ask me how I can tell the boys apart, the nicest thing I can muster is usually “how much time do you have?” (One of the rudest is an aggravated sigh and an exaggerated eyeroll as we stomp away. Because #seriously?) Besides the fact that they are two separate people who look different (it takes a little attention, but they do)…act different…talk different…slide different…they even color different.

As you see here, Emerson tends to fill up a space, with lots of emphatic overcoloring. Felix has a lighter touch, preferring finer highlights and a more restrained palette.

Just one more way these two little people are (drumroll) TWO little people. As I’ve told them before and will tell them over and over and over again forever, “the first thing people notice about you is the least interesting thing about you.” #Redheaded #identicaltwins? That’s just the tip of the iceberg, buddy. How much time do you have?

#teddybearart #xpost #preschoolpicassos #twomoms via Instagram


Last snack before bed. Emerson looks out and up and crows “moon! There’s the moon! I see the moon!” You see nothing, so doubt. Trying to do the calculus on which way the house faces and which direction the moon rises in, please dknt put yogurt in your hair, its the east right, and is this one of his pretend things like the elephants outside his bedroom? You’ll see nothing until you finally bend almost double and catch half a fingernail of moon through the black branches. “Yep, there’s the moon.” Case closed.
Then Felix looks up and out and cries “oh NO! It’s broken! There’s a BROKEN piece up there!” And you will look from the moon to the boy and back, and wonder how you could have been so callous to neither realize, nor mourn, that the crescent moon was in fact 86% broken tonight.
#waxingcrescent #mouthsofbabes #moon #beholders #oneoftwins #twomoms #xpost via Instagram


Penultimate day of Xmas break. Too cold to play outside. Situation: dire. Inspired: pretend not to notice when the #twintoddlers steal a stack of #stickynotes you “accidentally” left within reach. (You were never going to write that book anyway, who are you kidding, nobody, exactly) ANYWAY. Bottom line: I’ve now had over an hour of #peaceandquiet, no assaults or batteries, AND a bonus glimpse of Future Felix. #stickyfingers #stationerysaves #twinstagram #twomoms #xpost via Instagram