Terrible/Wonderful Things I Saw While Thrifting #3 (NHBPM 10)

Write about or share something you found funny.

I hope these posts help my wife understand why it takes me so long to shop. There are so many things to look at, pick up, squint at, and scratch my head over, most of which never make it home. Here are two good examples.

This pair of gloves caught my eye at Value Village recently. They had a pleasant weight to them, and I thought they might be good for dog walks this winter. For which I need the manual dexterity for tying poop bags that gloves offer, but I do not need a strong nonslip grip. These could work.

I could tell they were woolish, but by how much? Better check the fiber tag inside.

30% Racoon.

Yeah, wool too, but Racoon [Raccoon].

I felt exactly the same way, and I have a bowl of dead reptiles and insects, and a frog in a jar, on my desk.

Apparently, aside from mink, I’m squeamish about wearing mammals. It felt so said, since surely the raccoon had to die.

But how do you know that? I hear you asking. We shear sheep and goats and comb bunnies to get nice wool, and they’re none the worse for the contribution.

To which I offer: can you imagine what a shaved raccoon would look like? (Serious warning: Do not google image search that. You’ve been warned.) Or can you imagine what it would be to have a job where that’s what you had to do every day? Shave raccoons?

I rest my case.

And for this week’s final Terrible/Wonderful find, remember that I’m not sporty. So maybe you’ll know right off what this was, but I most certainly did not.

They were in the lingerie bin, but they looked manly. Well, as manly as shiny, slinky, stretchy black shorts can look. A peek inside, though, did NOT clarify matters for me.

It looked like underwear that comes with its own seat cushion, which in turn looks kind of like a bicycle seat.

???

Bicycles! Aha! This is a Goodwill located right next door to an REI. Maybe the tag attached to the mystery shorts would tell us more.

Yes! Getting warmer, Watson. They did come from REI — twice, since somebody bought them and then returned them.

But wait. What does that fine print say?

“FELT WEIRD ON SKIN”

About seven amazing things hit me at once:

1. Somebody paid $26.50 for padded panties.

2. Said body did this assuming they might not feel weird on skin.

3. Said body tried them on anyway and was unsatisfied.

4. Said body brought the panties BACK TO THE STORE, and

5. Had a conversation with a store employee DETAILING exactly why they were unsatisfactory enough to bring BACK TO THE STORE.

6. Ostensibly, the customer was rewarded a refund or exchange, or at least a hearing-out.

7. REI Damages do not end up in the trash. Or at least, not all of them.

Make of that what you will.

Until next time!

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5 thoughts on “Terrible/Wonderful Things I Saw While Thrifting #3 (NHBPM 10)

  1. X says:

    I recognized the bicycle shorts right away – I own a pair for when I took up unicycling – and while I don’t know that I would ever buy them from (or donate them to) good will as they are a little… very… personal, I do love them!

    And raccoon? Really? I totally googled that. Something fun to add to the dreams tonight.

    Like

    • EJ says:

      UNICYCLING! With special gear! That’s dedication. I learned to juggle a little last year, but I didn’t need any special panties to do that. Or maybe I DID need some, and that’s why I never got any better. (Add THAT to your dreams, America!)

      Like

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