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Taking out the trash and recycling tonight, @krismastree81 pointed out a wiggling skink beside our garage glue trap. When I put a stick down to shoo it away, we realized it was not a skink – it was a garter snake, and it was already definitely stuck.

Google told us to oil it free, so I grabbed the canola and doused it, then gently worked it free from the tail forward with a plastic spoon.

It was slow going at first, and the snake looked skeptical. (Fair enough, it was my first time, too.) But as soon as about an inch was off, snake started pulling more — and almost dragged the trap out of my hand! They are solid muscle.

We kept working together, adding more oil, and kk brought us paper towels to lay over the trap to it wouldn’t reattach itself with all its twisting.

Soon, it pulled free and slithered off along the foundation and curled up against the stoop to recuperate. I put out a shallow cup of water nearby and wished it well.

Some people think snakes are slimy, and they’re usually wrong. Tonight, however, there IS one very slimy snake in my neighborhood, and does it ever have a story to tell!

#herps #ThamnophisSirtalis #xpost via Instagram http://ift.tt/266xm1i

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There’s a lap under there, somewhere.
My stupid reflex reacto-feeling, when they start building a mom grotto on me, is to be annoyed, then claustrophobic. What if I want to stand up? So inconsiderate. Gawd.

When I’m lucky, my upstairs brain usually steps in and points out that they’re trusting me with their treasures.
Anointing me with their lovin’ plush.
Sharing their wealth without pausing to consider whether I deserve the honor.

That’s MY job. #disneyfamilyreunion #crayons #saturdayselfsermon #letthembelittle #limitedtimeoffer #xpost via Instagram http://ift.tt/1LQ89Cv

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My garage shelves are 99% done! It has taken weeks (months?) of doing a few minutes at a time, but it is nearly done.
For about $150 in materials, 192 screws, 2 falls off the stepladder, and 1 bigass splinter, I’m getting 144 sqft of mighty functional storage space. Thanks for the inspo, @anawhitediy! #SuckItIKEA #screwedgluedandtattooed #homowner #shelfie #powertools #xpost

And yes, @carpenterkobydowns, I have whole new levels of appreciation for the hard work you do! 😵 via Instagram http://ift.tt/1S7oWQz

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I looked more like Amy, but I was #JoMarch to the bone. Okay, like 5% Amy d/t spiteful tendencies when pushed😣 Maybe 9 years old here? I got my ears pierced at 7 or 8 and boobs by 10, so probably 9ish.

My favorite memory of the event was not any of the dozens of pics the nice photog lady took.

It was when I got bored waiting for my sister and mom to finish all their solo shots, and my mom gave me $5 and told me to “here, go buy a Mad magazine or something” at the Eckerd next door. I thought Mad was rude, risqué, only for grownups! *gasp*! (I was quite a pearl-clutcher for a long time.) I ran next door, grabbed a copy before mom thought to retract the suggestion, and immediately became an ardent Mad fan for the next decade or so. To this day, for every blockbuster movie or TV somebody makes me watch, I come up with punny/silly alternanyms for the characters, Mad-style.

Unlike having my picture taken, Mad made me smile.😂 #tbt #longhair #xpost #memorylane #late80s #TheChildQueenAscendsTheThrone via Instagram http://ift.tt/1P9xZ2i

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When strangers ask me how I can tell the boys apart, the nicest thing I can muster is usually “how much time do you have?” (One of the rudest is an aggravated sigh and an exaggerated eyeroll as we stomp away. Because #seriously?) Besides the fact that they are two separate people who look different (it takes a little attention, but they do)…act different…talk different…slide different…they even color different.

As you see here, Emerson tends to fill up a space, with lots of emphatic overcoloring. Felix has a lighter touch, preferring finer highlights and a more restrained palette.

Just one more way these two little people are (drumroll) TWO little people. As I’ve told them before and will tell them over and over and over again forever, “the first thing people notice about you is the least interesting thing about you.” #Redheaded #identicaltwins? That’s just the tip of the iceberg, buddy. How much time do you have?

#teddybearart #xpost #preschoolpicassos #twomoms via Instagram http://ift.tt/1Tkku2O